so it's been like 6 days since i last wrote about you moving out here. and to be honest baby, it's still really hard for me. you say that as long as you're able to move out financially and that your credits will transfer that you'll move even if your family is against it. i just don't see that happening. you have to disappoint either me or them and i really feel like in the end, i'll be the one whose upset.

it'll be hard but i'll understand. they're your family and you can't replace them. who knows how mad they'll get if you decide to leave even if it is only for a few years. i just don't see how they could be ok with it. i mean already your grandma said one day she thought it was a good idea and that she understands then the next day thinks that you're just trying to run away from your responsibilities.

gosh babe. i just don't see it happening. i don't see us being together until i move out there.

then i'm afraid you'll miss deadlines because you're not wanting to look into it until after you find out if you like it out here. i understand that babe but there's nothing wrong with applying. just because you apply doesn't mean you have to come out no matter what. sometimes i don't think you understand that. i know you want to take this slow and figure it out but at the same time i feel like if you're really serious about coming out, you'd be looking into it more aggressively.

i almost don't want to bring it up anymore because i don't want you to feel like i'm pressuring you into coming out or trying to make you look into it faster than what's comfortable for you. i don't want you to think that i don't want you to come out because i don't think it'll happen. i promise you baby i want you to be out here with me more than anything. it makes me sooooo happy that you're even considering it. but i really think that when you have to make your ultimate decision, even if you can financially come out here and your credits will transfer, that you'll decide to stay with your family. they are more important than me, and you taking care of them is more important than being with me.

but i think for a while i'm just not going to talk to you about it unless you bring it up. if you ask for my help, i'll help you. but i don't want to pressure you into doing anything. i want you to make this decision for you, not m\because it's something i want.

i love you.

honey

hey honey.
i wanted to write to you to tell you what's been on my mind lately with the some of the stuff we've been talking about.

we've been talking about you moving out to where i am next year which would either be here in san diego or in flagstaff. ugh baby it's hard for me. i want so badly to be excited about the possibility of you moving out here. but i really believe in my heart that it won't happen. i don't think that when it came down to you, that you'd leave your family even if it was only for a few years. you always talk about how you don't know who would take care of them if you moved even just out of the house. i can't even imagine how they would feel if you moved across the country. i know that you say you think they would support you in your decision, but most of the time i don't think they would. your grandpa hasn't been the best about you even coming out to visit for a week, i can't even imagine how he would be if you told him you wanted to move out here. it's soooooooo hard for me because i want you to move out here so badly. i would do anything to be with you as soon as possible and if that means you moving out here or to flagstaff, then i'm all for it. i just REALLY don't think it'll happen. call me a pessimist but i don't think it will. i don't think you'll be able to leave your family. don't get me wrong, i want you out here with me until i can be out there with you.

then there's us getting married. i really try to not let this one bother me because i know it'll be a while till we get married anyway. but the fact that we can't get married until you're almost done with school... babe that's not 6 or 7 years. it's gonna be so hard for me to wait that long. i know that we need to wait at least until i move out there and we're able to spend a lot of time together, or until you move out here. but 6 or 7 years. that's a loooooong time babe. to me, i just can't imagine promising my family that i would wait until i was done with school to get married. because in my mind, it's my decision about when i want to get married. yes i want to wait until i know we are financially able to support ourselves but whose to say that it won't be until after you're done with school. its just hard when getting married and having kids is what i've wanted forever, and to have to wait until i'm almost 30 to have all of that, it's hard for me. once we're finally together i don't know if i'll be able to wait that long long to be with you. and it's not just because we aren't having sex until we get married, it's because i want to start my life with you in that way. i want to be able to live with you and have you as mine forever. it's just hard for me to even think about waiting that long.

i love you with all my heart chris. but this is all REALLY hard for me. i don't like being a pessimist about you moving out, but i am. i wish that i wanted to wait that long to get married because its what you want, but it's not. i don't want to wait that long. and i don't know how to tell you these things. i just love you chris, that's all i know anymore.

i don't know how things are gonna work out. i don't know if you'll end up moving out here, and i don't know if we'll end up waiting that long to get married. but i love you, that's really all i know anymore.